Robert Duncan could write a book on it…

Pre-empting what will obviously be a ground breaking blog about my forthcoming five day cruise to Tenerife, where I will be holding workshops about drawing cartoons, I will tell you about my book. The title is as the headline of this article, and this worthy tome will contain elements of my work (close inverted commas) – funny and serious cartoons, excerpts from some of the numerous plays and books I have written, some chat about my attempts at lyrics, more cartoons, and about 70 pages of the best of my blogs (in my opinion).

The big problem with producing such a blockbuster is what to leave out. Should I include that series of cartoon strips about funeral directors, entitled Mourning All? Is my favourite cartoon strip, about two people who spend their lives travelling in a car (and occasionally other modes of transport) and never getting there, wherever ‘there’ is, worthy of a mention? How about Vole RA? A strip that followed the mishaps of a Royal Academician who happens to be a vole, and all the problems that go with being so small. The title by the way was inspired by that old fifties Dean Martin number Volaré – so at least the premise was quite clever.

Big no to all that – but what about my forgotten masterpiece No The One With The Cherry On It? I left that out on the grounds that I didn’t finish it. Well ok, I didn’t actually start it.

Because I liked the grittiness of black and white, the raw honesty of it, the almost palpable courageousness of the concept (and ok, I couldn’t afford colour) the 170 pages are all mono. I really think that it doesn’t make much difference. If the printers proof is anything to go by, the drawings and photos look good – and the only picture that screams out for colour, and depends on it, is a cartoon for a cricket team. But this lack of meaning is carefully explained away in the caption.

But don’t despair, the cover is in colour – and guess how I did it, all you fascinated fans. I drew a two minute cartoon on a bit of textured paper, put the pencil on top of it, and photographed it with my iPad. Brilliant. No retouching. No photographer’s fee. Coo…

So the final selection was made, a mishmash of stuff (hence the ‘stuff’ in the title) and the nonsense bit speaks for itself.

So if you happen to be on a cruise to Tenerife, and you happen to attend a cartoon workshop under the careful guidance of some old white haired bloke, you will be able to buy a copy of this superb limited edition for ten quid.

But in case you aren’t, I have ten copies of Stuff and Nonsense to give away. I’ll even pay the postage. I’m like that. Simply email me on and I’ll send you a nice new shiny copy (or is it matt?)

The workshops will only take four hours out of my five days at sea, so I have been told in no uncertain terms not to spend the rest of the time in the bar.

No, I’ll go to my stateroom and start on my biography The Girl Behind The Red Door.

Boy oh boy – will there be a blog about that…