THE ROGUE PEA

A children’s story by Storysmith…

PeaThere was a boy who left a single pea on his plate called Simon. (The boy, not the pea…)

Not wishing to offend it in any way, Simon took the pea up to his bedroom and made a nest out of shredded homework for it. As far as he could see the pea seemed grateful, as much as peas are, and they both fell asleep to rest and dream dreams.

“Simon, are you never coming downstairs? Your rice crispies are barely audible…” This accompanied by an urgent knocking at his door.

The fact was, Simon couldn’t come downstairs – his highly spoilt and comfortable pea had grown rather large during the night and was leaning menacingly against the door.

“Um… be down in a minute…” Simon mumbled, beginning to regret that he had got involved in peas generally, and this one in particular.

Simon made up his mind to confront the pea, and show him who was boss – after all, the pea, for all its largeness and greenness, didn’t have any arms and legs, and would probably end up squilched if it came to it. Simon grasped it like a giant beach ball and glared into its horrible green face. “How did this happen?” he demanded. “How did you end up like this?”

“END up like this? END up? I haven’t started yet. Wait and see…” the pea replied, and then he let himself down by sticking out a revolting green tongue and saying “So there.”

Simon decided to hit the pea with his cricket bat which was near at hand, and in the ensuing confusion he escaped from the bedroom and headed for the kitchen.

“All ok?” Said his mother, scrudging his hair in that irritating way of hers.

“Fine” replied Simon, “Apart from a gigantic evil and very green pea threatening me in my bedroom.”

“Of course.” said his mother, “more milk?”

Clearly this was Simon’s battle, so he returned to his room, only stopping to borrow a rolling pin from the cookery department.

Pushing the bedroom door open was a problem in itself. Every time he applied pressure there was a squelchy sound, and dollops of green gunk edged their way under the door. When he finally got in, there was one of those moments in films where you see a terrified face in close-up, with a dreadful groaning noise shaking the room, leaving the viewer in no doubt that something is amiss.

The rogue pea had filled the entire room, and as Simon pushed on the door its squidgy face caved in, making it’s threatening expression even more worrying.

Thinking about his bedroom, and how nice it used to be, and how many very special things he had in it (including, although he would never admit it, Barney the Bear) he made a rapid decision to protect his space, and hit the pea with the rolling pin.

“Yooooooooooow!” Screamed the pea, ” and what’s more…yoooooow…”

In a moment it had reduced itself, and was heading towards the window. ” I’m going to contact the mother ship. I’m going to take over the world! You see if I don’t!”

” oh no you’re not” said Simon, “Don’t be silly. Come and sit down.”

And the two companions talked until it was nearly time for supper. By that time the pea had learned to behave, had reduced in size a great deal, and was happy to accompany his new friend, in his pocket, to the dinner table.

“Peas Simon?” Said his mother, and then she said “Did you hear a small but very worried scream? Wonder what that was…”